Heartbroken

At my sonogram today, I found out that I have a "blighted ovum." For everyone who has no idea what that is (like me before 1:30 today), it's when the egg is fertilized but is genetically incapable of producing a fetus. In other words, your body thinks its pregnant and all the right equipment is in place, but there's no baby growing inside.

We are heartbroken. I have to admit that I was a little reluctant about this pregnancy in the beginning. Our little family is doing so good and I was scared to mess it up. Why tempt fate after Meela the Miracle Baby? But I know in my heart that this baby was exactly what we needed.

If you're concerned, thank you. Jay and I are doing ok. It was a shock, to say the least. When she did the first sonogram, I knew right away that something was wrong because there was only an empty black hole on the screen. I had Meela's first sonogram around the same time so I knew what to look for and it wasn't there. Then she did the second sonogram (which was a little more invasive if you catch my drift) and confirmed our fears. She also reassured us that there was nothing that we could have done. This pregnancy was doomed from the beginning. She also spotted a cyst on one of my ovaries so now it looks like I may have PCOS. Lovely.

It's really strange because I am stuck in limbo now. I know I am not pregnant but my body still has to catch up. It may take a few more weeks for everything to be back to "normal" again but it's weird to suddenly not be pregnant. I mean, I was nauseated, had heart burn, all the pregnancy symptoms because I was chemically pregnant. Now I have to come down from the hormone high and try to level out.

These last few months have definitely been a roller coaster of emotions.

Thank you to those who read my few entries. Who knows, maybe I'll be back to pregnant and craving again in no time.

Love,

Stacey Jo